Exploring Relationship Attachment Styles of Humans and Dogs
Relationships are one of the most important and enriching experiences in our lives, including our relationships with our dogs.
Increasing new research shows that our relationship with our dogs significantly impacts our happiness levels, our sense of satisfaction, and our dog's training success.
Whether your dog is a pet, an ESA (Emotional Support Animal,) a working dog of some sort, (service dog, herding dog, drug sniffing dog, farm dog, etc.) your relationship with them can dramatically impact your dog's well-being.
The reality is that our dogs are technically little more than prisoners within their relationship with us as they didn't have the option to NOT be taken in by a human. Most of us would love to believe they chose us in some capacity rather than consider that they're suffering with a bit of Stockholm syndrome (think Beauty + the Beast my Disney friends.)
And so knowing that we are the more evolved species, who took in this sweet little canine friend, it is our duty to make their life experience the best we can, starting with our relationships with them.
Understanding attachment styles in human-dog relationships can provide valuable insights into the dynamics and the emotional connection that develops in these relationships. We'll also offer tips to cultivate a secure attachment relationship with Fido to build their confidence and satisfaction.
Attachment Styles in Human Relationships:
In human psychology, attachment styles refer to the way individuals connect with others, particularly in close relationships. These styles are typically categorized into four main types: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Let's explore how these attachment styles manifest in human-dog relationships.
Secure Attachment:
In human-dog relationships, a secure attachment style is akin to a strong and healthy bond. Humans with secure attachment styles are generally comfortable with intimacy and seek support from their partners. Similarly, dogs with secure attachments display trust in their human companions, readily engaging in social interactions and forming a strong emotional connection. When they are unsure or uncomfortable, they check in with their human, knowing that they will receive support or guidance and clear communication.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment:
Humans with anxious-preoccupied attachment styles may feel insecure in relationships,
constantly seeking reassurance and fearing abandonment. In the context of human-dog relationships, this attachment style may be reflected in dogs that display clingy behavior, separation anxiety, and a constant need for attention. These dogs may become distressed when left alone and exhibit signs of stress.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment:
Individuals with dismissive-avoidant attachment styles tend to avoid emotional intimacy and may appear emotionally distant. In the human-dog relationship, this attachment style might be reflected in dogs that are more independent and less affectionate. These dogs may not seek out as much interaction and may seem aloof at times.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment:
Fearful-avoidant attachment styles involve a combination of fear of rejection and a reluctance to engage in close relationships. In human-dog relationships, this might be seen in dogs that display fear or anxiety around their human companions. These dogs may be hesitant to trust and may exhibit timid or skittish behavior.
*It is possible to bounce between relationship attachment styles or to experience characteristics of several in a period of time.* Please also keep in mind that each dog is an individual, and how they present is impacted by a multitude of factors, including their relationship with their pawrents. Your relationship is not (in many cases) the cause for specific behaviors, such as separation anxiety, but rather may be a piece of a puzzle to be considered.
Building a Healthy Relationship + Secure Attachment with Your Dog:
Consistent Routine: Maintaining a consistent routine sets your dog up for success as they know what to expect. Knowing the routine, the expectations, and being communicated with clearly and consistently gives our dogs the best opportunity to be successful and to feel confident. Maintaining a routine can alleviate anxiety and fear in both canines and humans. By creating and maintaining a consistent routine, your dog can feel confident all their needs will be met regularly which can decrease the likelihood of a variety of undesirable behaviors like accidents, separation anxiety, destructive behaviors, etc.
Positive Reinforcement: By looking for opportunities to Mark and Reward behaviors that you prefer and
want to see repeated, not only will you feel good because you are looking for good things (and where our attention goes, energy flows!) but additionally if your dog knows they can rely on you to reward their good decisions consistently enough, they will begin offering behaviors in order to attempt to please you and to get rewarded more often.
It feels good to be recognized, praised, and rewarded for accomplishments and good decisions, for both canines and humans. We can use this to our advantage to build our bond with our pups while also building their confidence and sense of self efficacy.
The more opportunities we give our dogs to feel good and successful, the more confident they are likely to be.
You will always find what you are looking for, so choose to look for the good things you prefer, both in your dog and in life, and watch how your thoughts and your life change.
TRY THIS:
Ask your dog to "Hop Up" onto surfaces such as low walls, low tables, stairs, etc. When they successfully do, praise and reward highly, before quickly asking them to 'Hop Down.' Praise and reward this heavily as well. Increase challenge by asking they to stay on the surface longer or to perform other cues while on the surface. The simple fact that you asked them to complete a cue and they were able to do so successfully is a confidence building exercise you can do regularly. Use known cues to your dog in environments you are confident they can be successful and repeat often!
3. Quality Time:
Every good relationship requires quality time to connect in ways that feel good for both partners. Consider your dogs preferences and interests and how you might be able to incorporate these into time spent together.
Does your dog love to play Fetch? Perhaps routinely carve out 10 minutes a day where you can play together and be totally present.
Is your dog in love with nature and the woods? Plan regular opportunities to be in nature with them, allowing for ample sniffing, running, and doing whatever they enjoy.
Additionally, time spent training your dog is a great way to connect as you are giving Fido opportunities to play games that are fun, earn rewards, and learn new things, which feels good, builds confidence, and sets them up to thrive in their life by your side.
4. Understanding Body Language: Hands or paws down the most important and valuable thing you can do to foster your relationship with your dog is to learn their language! Dogs communicate non-verbally, through body language primarily while humans communicate verbally and non-verbally. It is our job as the more evolved species to do our due diligence and to learn their language and communicate in ways they understand that respect their boundaries and autonomy. By understanding things like the positioning of their ears, tail, their posture, the amount of eye contact they are offering, or not, these are all important factors in understanding what they are communicating to us every day. The ability to assess your dogs' emotions and communication in any given moment enables you to offer them support when they are feeling unsure, scared, overstimulated, anxious, happy, or just need a little guidance. Being able to differentiate a happy tail wag from an anxious tail wag can make the difference between being able to prevent a dog fight and not having the opportunity to intervene because of lack of clarity of what is being communicated in the moment.
What kind of relationship style do you have with Fido now?
Do you know your dog's love language?
What's one step you can take to make your relationship even better?
Exploring attachment styles in human-dog relationships offers valuable insights into the intricate dynamics of this age-old companionship. Just as humans form different attachment styles with each other, the same principles apply to the connections forged with our canine friends.
By making the effort to consciously build connected, healthy relationships with our dogs, while learning and respecting their unique preferences, we can create Engaged relationships that last a lifetime.
By recognizing and understanding these attachment styles, we can foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships with our beloved four-legged companions and give them the best life ever, by our side.
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